Apologies
by Dragon Pulse
Summary: All she wants to do is apologize; All he wants is to heal her. Infinity-based story Sakura/Syaoran. EXPLICIT CONTENT.


When she enters the room, he can immediately sense that something is wrong. It's something he already knows; in essence, he has since the moment he arrived. He can feel her reluctance and distance from him whenever they share airspace. He understands, though his chest hurts every time she is near for that reason.

Since they'd arrived to the country of Infinity, she has been different. She is always serious, and rarely lets her beautiful smile cross her lips. When she does, it still isn't the same; it lacks the brightness it did before that day three months earlier. He had only seen it through his other self, but he remembers, and he misses it. It's been replaced with a different air entirely. She exudes a cool confidence that seems almost unlike her. It's cold, and he wonders where her warm heart is hiding.

When she enters the room, she already knows her future, or at least, she knows the possibilities. Though she stands tall in her black velvet attire, she is guilty. There are numerous possibilities, but no matter which comes to be, she will cause him pain greater than her own. She is guilty, because she knows that in twelve hours time, her body and soul will part from one another. She is guilty, because even though he is not her Syaoran, she still cares deeply for him. And even though she is not his Sakura, his love for her in unconditional and unsurpassed.

She steps slowly towards him, her heels clicking against the tile floor as she moves. She knows what she needs to do right now, even though it will cause her pain. And just the same, he will hurt from her actions. But she needs to do this, or she will not be able to win her prize tomorrow.

Now, she stands in front of him. Her cold expression is melting, and he can see her sadness and guilt at its full capacity. She steps closer, her legs parting as she straddles his lap with knees bent. Her toes are pressed against the sofa now, and his expression is widening. He is unable to believe or understand what she is doing so suddenly.

"Saku-" He begins to speak, but he is unable to finish. Before he can, she has placed two petite, slender fingers to his lips, emitting a "shh" from her own. He can only nod, because the shock is too great and he wants to do nothing more that could possibly upset her.

She is breaking, and he can see that. She is breaking, and though she looks beautiful to him, his heart is breaking.

Her fingers begin to slide away from his lips, her touch light and soft as she glides her hand down and over his. He does not understand what she is doing. Her hand grasps his, this time with a bit more force, though it is still gentle. She wants him to know. She wants him to see what she needs. She is taking her free hand to lift the skirt of her dress. She reveals herself to him, showing her untainted body. Untainted in some ways, though her knowledge has already violated her. She is betrayed, and this is the way to make it right, she feels.

He cannot speak, he can only stare. He is filled with disbelief. He is filled with wonder from sights unseen, and wonders how even in such a compromising position, she can be so beautiful. Her hand is now guiding his. He has no control, but he does not refuse. He loves her. He loves her, and if she wants him to love her more, he will comply. If this will take away even a small piece of her sadness, he will do what she wants.

Her hand is icy to the touch, but the skin along her upper thigh is warm. He can feel the warmth radiating from her as he forces his hand to wander further. Finally, it stops. His thumb is against her clit, but still, he can emit no sound. Her body is sacred to him, and though he knows little of what to do, he can guess. He understands the functions of the body, and he knows he can please her with the right motions. Against her, he begins to move his thumb in a circular motion. It's slow and gentle, a caress that only he could imagine providing for her. Her cheeks begin to flush, and though she feels a tickle building in her groin, she does not smile.

He wants her to smile. He wants her feel pleasure and be happy that she can feel it. His face is flushing as well - a combination of embarrassment and arousal. His attempt becomes more focus, adding slightly more pressure to his touch as he rubs a little faster. In doing so, he can feel himself. He can feel the shift in his blood flow, and he can feel himself getting hard. He feels guilty, because he is touching her in unspeakable ways and he is excited to be doing so.

She is no stranger to what he feels. She avoids eye contact with him, and in doing so, she can see the way his pants look tighter. She can see that in moments passing, he is growing more aroused. Despite her guilt, she is pleased that she can do even this much for him. He does not know what she knows, and she has little intent on telling him her reasons. Once more, her hands shift. It's of expert nature in the way she unbuckles his belt. She has been dealing with this sorts of buckles since their arrival to this world, and she knows that she can give him some relief.

He looks surprised, but keeps his quiet and composure. His pants are now undone, and his cock is now exposed to her. He is further surprised at the sensation that follows. Her hands are still cold, but it feels stimulating against the heat of his own body. He knows what it feels like to touch himself, but the feeling of another's fingers against the head of his penis only stands to make him fully hard. He is now completely exposed to her. She now knows how much he adores every part of her body.

She is wet, and he can feel it. Though his thumb caresses her clit, he can feel the way her body is accepting the touch against his index and middle fingers. They are covered in her fluids, and it makes him crave more. He is guilty for it, but he does not apologize. His fingers are lubricated, and he uses this as an opportunity to enter her. She does not seem surprised, though she emits a small sound when he does so. He looks to her as if he is going to apologize, but his thoughts are clouded by the way she is touching him in return. Her hand has shifted, stroking his shaft slowly. It is torturous to feel her touching him when they are both so broken, but he does not refuse, only returning the sentiment. It is torturous for her, knowing what is to come.

She cannot look at any part of him with this in mind, so she closes her eyes. She leans forward, and in doing so lets out a moan from the way his fingers feel inside of her when she moves. Her hips are rocking very slightly, but she presses forward. Her lips press against the side of his neck, her kisses gentle. Her hair tickles against his face, but he does not laugh.

The sensations are building and they both crave more. They need each other right now. They need to be one and they need to come together in order to feel whole. They will not be whole when this happens, but they continue in the hopes that they can heal each other.

It is simultaneous, the way she draws her hand back and how he also pulls his hand away. His fingers are soaked with her, and hers have the trace of him lingering. Though she is not sure, she shifts. Her legs spread further as an invitation, and he accepts. Slowly, he enters her, and in doing so, her walls begin to crumble. Though there is a feeling of pleasure and gratification in what they are doing, she is in pain. Her body has not been touched in this way, and it is uncomfortable. He does his best not to hurt her any further, but he can feel the way she grows tense when he moves.

Regardless, she allows him in. She moves her hips, and the muscles in her legs tense and released as she slides up and down on his cock. They are wordless, though he lets out a groan from the friction of her tightening around him, and she moans from the feeling.

She cannot face him. She has known for a long time that she is in love with Syaoran, _her_ Syaoran. He is not her Syaoran though, and giving her virginity to another, despite their similarities is ruining her will. It is not helping her, but she is doing this for him. She buries her face in his neck and her body convulses.

She is crying silently. As he moves his cock inside her, her body is shaking from the sobs. He can feel the wetness from her tears against his skin and he bites his lip. He does not know what he can do to ease her trouble, though her body continues to be willing. His hands shift, moving away from her hips so they can touch her face. He is gentle as he prods her head away from his shoulder. He wants her to look him in the eye and tell him that she doesn't want this. She will not look at him though, her eyes remaining closed even though he is staring at her. She can feel his eyes against his skin, but while they were closer, she could feel the way his heart was beating. His enjoyment is more important to her, and if she looks at him, that will certainly crumbles before them.

Neither of them are happy.

His thumbs are against her cheeks, and while her hips are rocking, he is wiping away her tears. He is wishing she would smile for him as she used to for his other self. He is wondering how any of this is possible. He is overwhelmed with pain and guilt, but her body feels so good against him that he cannot bring himself to pull away. His body refuses what his logical train of thought tells him. He is hard and craving to be inside her, though he'd be content with just holding her and reassuring that somehow, they'd right all of the wrongs that had come from this situation.

This is his fault, for changing the course of history. He has hurt the one he loves most, though he does not know that she is not exactly who he thinks she is. She is still crying, but their hips are rocking in motion. Each thrust is another step closer to climax, and it is almost simultaneous in the way their stomachs begin to coil.

She can feel the tingle explode, and he can feel the way her body is convulsing around him. It has no rhythm, but it is sending him over the edge. He can feel himself coming inside of her, and she can feel the heat of him as he does so.

She wants to get away. She pants, and her body is glistening with sweat as she pulls away. His cock is still hard; he refractory period has not yet settled to give him a chance to soften. Her body is still convulsing, and before she can get out of his lap, her juices are mixed with his and spilling out, leaving a trail on his pants. She is still crying, but she has not left yet.

He is short of breath, and he is guilty, because although she came, she is not happy. He will not make her happy, because he is not hers. Still, she leans forward to whisper to him.

"I'm so sorry, Syaoran-kun." When she speaks, she does not simply call him 'Syaoran.' Her breath his hot against his ear, and though he can hear her sadness, her guilt, her sorrow, he cannot hear her love. He knows it's because it does not exist, not for them.

He says nothing. There is nothing more he can say, and they both know that. She stands, her knees weak from her climax. She nearly stumbles on her feet; she is adjusted to wearing the heels, but not when her body feels the way it does in this moment.

She is broken as she walks away. She has tried for so long to hold her tears back and be strong for her companions. But she is broken, and he knows that. He is also broken, for he's done something unimaginable. He loves her, but she does not feel the same, and nothing can change that.

As she walks away, he is ridden with guilt. He cannot fix her heart, and he cannot fix his own. She feels no better than when she walked into the room, but she believes what she did was right. She has shown him a side of her that she kept hidden away. This was her apology, for both how she acted previously, and for what she knew could ruin him in the future. She leaves, and he has never said a word to her. He does not know what is to come, and he will never get the chance to tell her that he is sorry for not being able to fix her.


End file.
